Anyway, this book says that ADDers need structure more than most people. We need external structure so much because we lack internal structure. I guess that helps explain why I hate change and when my routine gets interfered with I don't feel comfortable. In fact, I could make myself sick with how upset I get about it sometimes.
There was a story of a man named Joshua. He said that he gets in these moods where all he can think about is what a rotten, worthless man he is. He'll call himself every name in the book and then some, go over & over his failings, and show no mercy. He'll brood for hours, even a day. He can still function, still work, but there's this relentless voice carping away at him inside. The doctor said that rather than Depression, this is also a symptom of ADD. It's a variation in his way of paying attention. Joshua loses perspective. Instead of paying attention evenly, he hyperfocuses on the negative. It happens subtly, but the next thing you know he can't stop listening.
When I was younger I could sit in a room and think about what it would be like after I die until I made myself cry. I could still do that today, although when I start to, I force myself to stop.
Another section discussed the mood swings- going from happy, to sad, to happy again in a matter of an hour or so. WOW. I did that on Saturday. When Tom asked me what was wrong, I didn't know - couldn't give him an answer. Just that I was sad. Now I know, I'm dealing with a lot right now, but that wasn't the first time I've been like that, so it's something more than the whole laid-off thing.
I've learned to cope with my ADD for the most part (at work anyway), but I've never really studied up on it in detail. I never knew about the above and honestly, it surprised me. I really thought I was a mental case. I'm not saying I'm not sometimes, but knowing what I know now, I'll blame it on the ADD.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not some whirling dervish (is that even a word) who goes from an angel to satan in 10 seconds (it takes me at least 2 minutes, lol), and my friends will tell you I'm funny, and I "momma" everyone I know. It's just interesting to look at this side of myself.
Changing the subject, I got my recommendation letter from Cindy Alexander today. God - that woman can write a letter. My 2 favorite sentences: "She has been a strong force in (Dallas) for her team, as well as a valuable contact/resource for other supervisors all over the country." and "It would be extremely difficult to imagine anyone with a greater work ethic." Yes, I am the Queen. For 32 more days anyway.
posted by Chris O. @ 2/10/2003 10:14:00 PM
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