My Rantings and Other Non-Sensical Thoughts: 03/01/2004

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

So, I got tickets to see Madonna in Philly on July 4th. Hopefully Tom will be employed by then so that I can fly up there. That date is now sold out, but I see that another date (7/5) was added. Seems like extra dates were added in a lot of places after she sold out.

Tom's going to a job fair at hotels.com tomorrow. They're hiring customer service supervisors. Say a prayer, please.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Found out today that my trip to the Philippines is postponed for some reason or another, until May or June. The good news in that? 1. I will be here on my 5th anniversary :) 2. I will be here when ED plays downtown on April 14!!!!!!! I already have a date too - my friend Rick is going to go with me.

Even better news? Comcast called Tom about a job today. Doesn't mean he'll get it of course, but at least it's a start. Please say some prayers for him. If he gets a job soon I can still go to the MindSpring thing in Atlanta on 5/1.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Yesterday I decided to go to church. I haven't been for a long time. Well, when I was there the readings were all about the prodigal son (the story of a son who took his inheratence (sp) and squandered it on prostitutes & fast living. He then had nothing & had to return to his father. His father welcomed him with open arms and was happy he was back). The sermon was about those who had left the church & come back. Everything seemed to parallel what I was going through the last week or so. All of the sudden I got very emotional and almost started crying. It was like God wanted me to go to church to get that message. And it really hit home.

I'm not one who felt the need to go to church but for some reason it really affected me yesterday & if you think it's stupid that God meant for me to go yesterday, then so be it, but I know there was a reason. And it made me feel grounded & peaceful -- like everything is going to be ok.

My mom, of course, is thrilled. :)

Saturday, March 20, 2004

I was so excited to go to the Philippines & NOW I find out that Ed will be performing solo *in Dallas* **FOR FREE* on April 14th -- 2 days before I get back! STUPID Philippines.

What do you think of the new layout? I like it- it's very peaceful & peace is what I need.

Tom got fired yesterday. Because of his "technical ability". WTF? He's worked there a year and a half, they never gave him training nor did they give him his review which was due in October. So how the hell was he to know his technical ability was "lacking"? Also, in the job post - which they put on monster.com 2 days prior to his (and the other tech manager's terminations) it says "working knowledge" of this, "basic understanding" of that, so come off it.

If he gets unemployment (cross your fingers) we'll be fine. If not, I don't know what we'll do. I don't know how much tighter I can cinch the belt. Anyway - now you know why I chose to have a tranquil theme.

I put the Amber Alert thing on there because it's a good deed. You should put it on your site too!

Thursday, March 18, 2004

I got home tonight & started exercising while I finished watching a Melrose place from a few days ago. Then I noticed that I recognized the song on in Shooters, the bar on the show. It was none other than "Pain Lies on the Riverside" by Live! I never really watched the first season of Melrose (1992) so that was the first time I saw that & it made me smile. Speaking of Live, they're on the Jay Leno show in a little bit singing Runaway with Shelby Lynne. I must say that I prefer the non-duet version.

I got my passport today so I'm ready to go!

JJ Jackson, one of the first MTV Vjays died today of an apparent heart attack. Another reminder that we're all getting older, although he was 62. He certainly didn't look it.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Anyone who knows me knows that I can jump between topics in a conversation in a millisecond. Well, unfortunately I do that when I'm thinking too. Especially in the car.

First I started thinking that I wonder if it would be possible to gather all the former MindSpring people & do a hostile takeover of EarthLink. Wouldn't that be a sight to see? Hundreds of people storming the board meeting & taking over. Of course it would take a lot of money, but it would make for a good news report. :)

Then I started thinking that I wonder what God's purpose is for me. It doesn't seem I have one. I wasn't thinking in a suicidal way, just wondering in general. How do you know what God's purpose is for you? Is it based on mistakes you made in a past life? If so, how do I know what those mistakes were so I don't repeat them? Why are some people so fabulously successful and others aren't? I know the successful people are smart, but what determined if they'd be smart when someone else wasn't? Is the homeless person supposed to be learning a lesson? Is the person on death row for murder there because he ignored his purpose or was that his purpose? It's all so confusing.

Finally I remembered the night in 1999 (January) that my mom called me to tell me that my dad was in the hospital and she didn't know if he was going to make it. I jumped out of bed and left as quickly as I could. I remember being terrified. On the way to the hospital I heard a Sarah McLachlan song (I don't know the name) and it made me cry & cry. "Spend all your time waiting for that second chance for a break that would make it okay. There's always some reason to feel not good enough and it's hard at the end of the day. I need some distraction oh beautiful release memories seep from my veins. Let me be empty oh and weightless then maybe I'll find some peace tonight". Anyway I got to the hospital and my mom told me that dad had to have quadruple bypass surgery. I remember being in the room with her when the doctor was talking to her, explaining the procedure & what dad's chances were. Luckily that time he made it through & he was able to walk me down the aisle 3 months later. I found out only after he died that they only gave him a 20% chance of making it through that. What was my dad's lesson to learn from that situation? Did he learn it? Is that why he was given another 2 years? Or did he not learn it & that's why he was only given 2 more years?

I know I'll never figure it out, and it's going to drive me crazy to think about it, but that's where I am right now. I know in my heart that dad knew the last time I saw him was going to be the last time. It was Father's Day and I was home for Gina's wedding. The night before we had looked through old pictures and reminicsed. Father's Day we went to breakfast & that's the last time I saw him alive. He had on tan shorts. God I miss him. I miss his laugh, the sparkle in his eyes. I miss how safe he always made me feel. I'm glad the last thing I said to him was "I love you daddy". I wonder how long it will be until these thoughts don't take over & the tears aren't streaming down my face like they are now. Will I be 80 years old & still crying for my daddy?

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Wow. I can't believe it's been a week since I posted! I'm still exercising - I did it 3 times last week & I'm striving for 5 this week. And I'm still lifting my weights - 3 times a week. I've lost a grand total of 14 lbs. It would probably be over 20 if I'd stop cheating & if I would drink my 2 Qts of water. But, I'm doing it. My goal for now is to lose enough that when I walk into that MindSpring party on 5/1 people will be astounded that it's me :)

Style channel did start Melrose over from the beginning. I was surprised by that & by how bad the 1st season really is. Episode 5 one of the characters (who I don't think was there past season 1) lost her southern accent out of the blue. Just didn't have it this episode. It was annoying, but it's more annoying that it disappeared. You have to know you're not going to make it past Season 1 if they're changing your character 5 weeks into it.

I love my new position at work. My team had a surprise party for me last Friday and that was very touching. I love doing spreadsheets & investigative work. It's made the last 2 days fly by & I can't wait to get to work in the morning.

I'm going to the Philippines April 8-16. We'll be flying American & JAL. I'm excited. I should get my passport next week. How are you guys doing? Ev.....post a hello so I know you're still there!

Monday, March 08, 2004

I got my elliptical trainer today. When I got home from work I put it together and spent 30 minutes on the sucker. 30 minutes is FOREVER when you don't exercise. I told myself I'd only do 15 minutes, after all it is my first day, but then I realized I was talking myself out of it & I stayed on for all 30 minutes. Then I did my weight lifting because today was the day for that to. I felt so good when I was done. Well, I almost couldn't walk, but I was proud of myself for doing it.

I was watching Melrose Place while I was putting it together and I think it was the last episode. I remember Peter & Amanda remarrying on the final episode & that was on tonight. Maybe they'll start it all over from the beginning. I hope so.

Got an emailed invitation today to MindSpring's 10th Anniversary party. It's in Atlanta on Saturday May 1 and it's all the former high-ups: Charles Brewer, Mike McQuary & whichever other former employees want to come. Tom & I are definitely going. It's going to be great to see those people again. I think it's really cool to have an anniversary party for a company that doesn't exist anymore. It's even cooler (and a testament to the kind of company that it was) that on the 1st day invitations went out, 278 people have already RSVP'd :)

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Starting on March 15 I'm moving into a new role at work. I am no longer going to supervise a team, I'm going to be the "assistant" to the manager - doing projects for the department. I know I can do it & be damn good at it, but I'm still a little nervous. I'm perceiving it to be a high-profile position and that's why I took it. I've managed a team for the past 5 years, so this will be something completely different for me.

My team gave me crap, but I expected that & would have thought less of them if they didn't. I'm also prepared for the cries of favoritism since Patty and I are friends. I've also dealt with that my entire career as a supervisor. The thing that people don't understand is that I've never used my friendship with a manager to "get ahead". I've been able to back it up with substance. I'm just good. I give 110% of myself to my position, when a lot of others don't. If I need to work late, I work late. If I need to change my schedule, I change my schedule. If they want me to go to some far-flung country to help out, I go (even if I don't really want to which is the case with the Philippines).

I get my deliverables done when they're due. I care about people. I think of ways to improve the department. *That's* why I've been successful, I think.

Anyway, I know I'm damn good and I know I'll be good at this. Everyone else be damned. :)

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Oh My Goodness the Apprentice was good tonight. I hope you didn't DVR it because if so, this will ruin it for you.
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I am sooooo glad that Omarosa bitch got fired! I have wanted to see that for weeks! I try really hard not to be cold-hearted but when she started crying in the boardroom, that was great. Finally she didn't act invincible. I know when they went out & she was crying on Kwame's shoulder it was just to try to win his sympathy so he wouldn't push for her to be fired. I think she actually helped Mr. Trump make up his mind when she busted into the boardroom and started crying & raving. The knowing look Mr. Trump gave Heidi when she rolled her eyes was classic. This was definitely the best episode and I'm soooooooooo glad she got fired.

Whew- anyway. :) I tracked my Elliptical trainer & it is supposed to be delivered on Monday. YAY!

Ok, Gina is probably the only one who may remember this, but the Detroit Tigers have been my favorite baseball team since High School. I haven't admitted that (hardly ever) because they suck. In fact, suck is too good a word for them. Poor Pudge Rodriguez got traded to them & now all of the sudden he's trying to talk them into being so good this upcoming season. They were 43-119 last season!!!! 119 losses! Honestly, there's not much of a chance they can be worse this season. Maybe there is something to say for the power of positive thinking though, they've won both of their spring training games so far this year, which is better than their 1-1 start last year (which turned into a 1-3 start). I know I don't know much about sports, I only started liking them because their catcher Mike something was cute, but I hope they have a better season than they did last year, so I can hold my head up a little higher.

P.S. - I'm at 14.5 lbs lost, but wondering if the scale's broken. Shouldn't I be fitting in different size clothes by now? I don't even notice the loss when I look at myself. Some people at work have said things, but I don't know if that's because they really notice a difference or because they hear me talking about it and want to a) cheer me on or b)shut me up :)

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Today I had my follow-up doctor's appointment for my cysts. Dr. O'Neal told me they are still there. Last time one was 39 mm and one was 20 mm and now they are 20 mm and 12 mm, so he was pleased with that. He said since they are shrinking & I'm not in pain he isn't going to do surgery (thank goodness! My Hail Mary's while waiting for him to come in worked!). Now I have to go back on 4/19 to get my yearly and I'm *done* with all that.

I'm going to the Philippines with work. I don't know when yet, but probably around April 1st. I'm excited but nervous because of the violence in that country, but we will be on Clark Air Base and I've been told they take many precautions for us, so that makes me feel better. Patty's going too, so that will make me feel even safer since I won't be alone :).

AND Walmart.com shipped my Elliptical trainer today so I should have it in a week or so. I can't wait to get started on that. I'm still keeping up with the weight training every other day and I can't wait to add this to my off days, and eventually do them both on the same days at least 5 times a week. :)

My Rantings and Other Non-Sensical Thoughts